There will be detours and experiences that keep you from observing yourself. Observing gives birth to understanding. Order is born from understanding disorder. Be still and become more self aware. Return to your meditative state, even for a moment to create what you want to feel and what that feeling really feels like.
Experience each thought and and feeling and then feel what its like to let it go. Live in that moment, in that moment you are creating. Your thoughts are vibration. They are alive and the universe is responding to your every thought.
This is like taking 100% responsibility of the decisions we made and what we subconsciously created. Nobody owes you anything. Be present to the disorder, it brings the knowledge of different possibilities and a different order of things.
You are a conscious being living among unconscious and selfish humans. Something happened to them and then you came along with all this bright light and unconditional love.